Howdy, all y'all (for non-Texans, that's the plural of y'all).

Somewhere around 1997, two other writers and I exchanged some emails in a computer book author's discussion list (more fun than a barrel of monkeys and a belt sander). The result was a tongue-in-cheek thing about editors, acronyms, obfuscation, and Microsoft Electricity. The other day I wondered what had happened to it (I might be bad about Inbox management, but 9 years is a long time to keep messages, even for me).

Anyway, I did a Google search on the term "Microsoft Electricity," and lo and behold, the first hit turned up a copy of the emails posted on a humor site. I offer it for your viewing pleasure here. I am amazed that an email I wrote 9 years ago somehow made it onto the Web and still exists. I'm more amazed that I had that much free time in 1997. Oh, wait! That was before all those dang kids...

Thanks to all who commiserated about the demise of Star Trek: Enterprise. Our mutual buddy Richard, who has inside contacts at the show, says they are trying to get it picked up by FX or SciFi. If so inclined, do your part here.

As I mentioned last time, selection of winners for the free books would probably be unfair. Some people went the extra mile to try to be funny (some succeeded) and I confess they will get some extra consideration. And, I'll just have to award one to the lovely fellow who, in Beavis and Butthead term-of-endearment fashion, called me a buttwipe (Word's spell checker suggests that this should be two words). Also factoring in his favor is the fact that his assessment is generally true. A collection of some of the responses and my replies here. Don't look for books in your mailbox just yet, because my door is still frozen over. Maybe in a week or so...

Hasta luego,

Jim

Featured Windows Tip
Bypass Startup items at logon

Windows provides a handful of ways to automatically start applications at logon. In most cases, automatic execution is a good thing. It enables your antivirus, fax, and other background programs to start automatically as soon as you log on. In some situations, though, automatic startup can be a problem. For example, you might have a program that is misbehaving and causing the system to hang. Or, perhaps you have a lot of startup programs that take a long time to finish starting up, and you want to log on quickly, perform a quick task, and log off. In those situations, you’ll want to know how to prevent the startup items from executing.

The easiest way to bypass the Startup folder itself is to hold down the Shift key while the system is logging you on. Enter your user name and password in the logon dialog, hold down the Shift key, and press Enter. Continue to hold down Shift until you’re logged on.

For a more permanent approach, you can simply delete the item from the Startup menu. Or, just drag it to the Desktop or another folder for safekeeping if you ever need it again. If so, just drag it back to the Startup folder.

Also keep in mind that the Startup folder is just one place for startup applications. Programs can be registered as services and configured to start automatically. Programs can also be specified in the win.ini and system.ini files, and in other locations. The best way to get a handle on services and these other sources is to use Msconfig. Click Start, Run, enter msconfig, and click OK to start the program. You'll be able to selectively enable/disable specific programs and services and control system boot in other ways.

Featured Office Tip
Add notes to received email messages

Have you ever wanted to add notes to messages in your Inbox or other Outlook message folders? Maybe you want to add notes from a follow-up phone call or jot down a few thoughts about the message. Maybe you just want to rant without actually sending a reply!

In Outlook 2000 and 2002, an open, received message acts as a read-only form--you can't add new text or change existing message content . To get around this, some people will forward a message to themselves and add notes to the forwarded copy. They don't realize they can edit messages right in Outlook.

Instead of this roundabout way, use this method to add notes to a message:

1. Open the message and choose Edit | Edit Message.
2. Outlook unlocks the form and allows you to type in the body of the message and add whatever content you want, including text, images, or other data.
3. To help you keep your notes separate from the original message, use a different color or font for the notes.
4. When you finish adding the data, save changes by choosing File | Save.

Featured Windows Server Tip
Add a global catalog server for redundancy

A global catalog (GC) server essentially functions as a key database for the Active Directory (AD) and is the key mechanism through which AD searches are accomplished. The GC contains a full writable replica of all objects in the AD for its host domain, and a partial read-only replica of the other domains in the forest.

The first domain controller (DC) in a forest is the only one that by default functions as a GC. Adding additional GCs is particularly important to provide availability and redundancy for authentication in the domain. For example, if you have divisions that share a domain structure but are separated by network segments that are susceptible to disconnection, you should add a local GC at every location to prevent logon problems.

Adding a GC is a relatively easy process:

1. If you do not have a DC installed at the remote location, install Windows 2000 Server and promote it to a DC in the domain.
2. Open the Active Directory Sites and Services console, expand the site to locate the DC in the Servers node, and expand the server’s branch.
3. Right-click NTDS Settings and choose Properties.
4. Select Global Catalog and click OK.
5. Close the console and repeat the process to add GCs at the other locations.

In the News:

MyDoom.bb strikes! A new version of the MyDoom virus has been spreading for a couple of weeks. Story and fix.

Office passwords safe? If you use password protection for Word or Excel files and think your files are secure, think again. Story

You will be Googled. Resistance is futile. Google's new AutoLink feature in its toolbar has some people running scared. Story

Don't trust your cybersafety to the government. I got better grades sleeping through English class. Story

Phish stink. A new network aims to catch phishing schemes, but pony up cash if you want to do more than cut bait. Story

Bad blog! Some blogs can give you a bad case of spyware. Story

Adios PDA. A friend of mine recently foretold the death of the PDA. I'm not convinced it's dead yet, but Sony is. Look for cell phones and hand-held computers to merge over time. Story

Et tu, Apple? And people thought Microsoft was the only naughty company on the planet. Story

Click, click, click...real easy, man! Who knew ten years ago that today we'd be worried about click fraud. Story

G'day, mate! It's bloody hard yakka writin' this newsletter without a a tallie. Makes me want to take a walkabout beyond the Black Stump to fossick for some white pointers. (I think "ankle biter" is my favorite. I can stop calling the kids chucklehead now.) www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

Outlook ZIP Add-On. WinZip does it again, this time with a nice add-on for Outlook that will automatically compress attachments, saving you that step beforehand. www.winzip.com/prodpagewzcou.htm

Photoshop alternative. My old copy of Photoshop grew long in the tooth and I set out in search of a cheaper replacement. I settled on Paint Shop Pro--way cheaper and great feature set. www.corel.com

VoIP, free! I tried this program, and it works great. You can buy into an optional paid service to call non-Skype users. All you need is a headset/microphone. www.skype.com

Office documents on your Palm. This handy program lets you take Word, Excel, PowerPoint files on your Palm PDA. www.dataviz.com

Spam, virus, and phishing protection for Outlook Express. Cloudmark SafetyBar protects your system from threats in Outlook Express. cloudmark.com

Run multiple operating systems at one time? You bet! I couldn't live without VMware, the greatest invention since toilet paper (let's see them use that testimonial in their ad campaigns). Microsoft's answer to virtual computing is Virtual PC.

As I recall, literally translated pico de gallo means "beak of the chicken." This recipe is guaranteed to contain absolutely no beaks, feet, feathers, fingers (who knew chickens had fingers?), or other chicken parts, whether tasty or not. Secret ingredients are cilantro and fresh lime juice. It's great on tortilla chips, hamburgers, hotdogs, fajitas, seviche, etc. Eating straight from the bowl with a spoon is frowned upon in most social circles, but OK for parties of one or less.

Chop onion, bell pepper (any color, red is usually sweeter), and cilantro. Remove seeds and pulp from tomatoes and chop (the tomato, not the pulp and seeds--eeww!). To add a little kick to it, remove seeds and veins from a small amount of jalapeños and chop into small pieces. Give the carrot from the jalapeño can/jar to your worst enemy. Mix all in a bowl with garlic and seasonings to taste. Add lime juice and mix well. Vary the amount of veggies if you like, and toss in some chopped avocado if you will be eating it all right away (avocado goes brown in a hurry).

This stuff will keep for a week or so in the refrigerator without the avocados. In fact, it gets better over time as the vegetables soak up the lime juice. Starts to stink after 3 days but still taste great.

The perfect hamburger, in my opinion: add grilled onions, pico de gallo, sliced jalapeños, sweet pepper relish, and melted sharp cheddar. Oooh, baby! Look for the relish recipe in an upcoming issue.