Introduction to Microsoft Electricity
Reader question: How many computer book industry professionals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Answer: Four: An AcqEd (Acquisitions Editor), Ed (Editor), TechEd (Technical Editor), and AU (Author). The AU writes up the MSS. The AcqEd marks it up and forwards it to the TechEd. The TechEd marks it up and forwards it to the Ed who can't read it, but makes corrections anyway, returning it to the AcqEd who makes more marks and returns the rainbow result to the AU. The AU, completely disgusted, rewrites the material and places the MSS back in the Whirling Editors ride for another spin. When it returns to the AU for AR (Author Review) it contains 97% less material than he wrote in the first place and is only mildly accurate. The final published MSS reads thus:
If the room is dark and repeated actuations of the LightSwitch (LS) do not produce the desired results, you may have a non-functional Primary Incandescence Unit (PIU).
Tip: Repeated hammering of the LS with a heavy object will not cause the PIU to operate.
First, you will need to remove any protective shielding from the PIU. Models prior to 1997 will invariably use a Socket 1 package and replacement units can be purchased in most major retail outlets. Certain models will require a special PIU Package Port (PIUPP) which should also be readily available.
Tip: You should call the retail outlet before venturing out of the home. Make sure they have a replacement PIU that fits your PIUPP.
Note: Shielding for pre-1997 PIU devices can come in many shapes and forms. This fact will not impact the replacement except in cases where the replacement PIU differs in overall shape (i.e., Florescent Rotating Tube Package (FRTP))
Rotate the extinguished PIU counter-clockwise until free of socket. Hold replacement PIU next to deceased PIU to make sure you have procured the correct model. If so, holding the bulbous white part (or yellow on some models), place the silver screw-like end into the socket and rotate clockwise until firm.
Tip: Placing the LS in the OFF position will prevent the replacement PIU from illuminating upon contact.
Warning: Do not attempt to tighten excessively. The pressure may cause the LB to shatter and harm you.
Certain replacement PIUs will not function. Do not attempt to repair the non-functional replacement PIU. Return it for a replacement replacement PIU.
Now that you have successfully replaced the PIU and actuated the LW at least three or four times to verify success, you can sit back and relax.
written by: Tyler Regas
www.pdahandyman.com
Jim Boyce offers this addendum to the lightbulb question:
Note: If you are replacing the PIU in a Microsoft-based socket, and the PIU is the initial release of the PIU-class device, the PIU will operate at only 50% capability for the first six months of operation and may occasionally "brown out" for no apparent reason. A temporary fix for this problem is to cycle the LS. This is most prevalent with Server versions of the PIU but can also occur with User versions. You must install PIU Service Pack 1 to achieve full luminosity. However, SP1 will not be regression tested so the LS may fail to function properly with the PIU-SP1 installed. If this occurs, you must purchase an upgrade to the LS that supports PIU-SP1 or later. Also note that the bus media between the LS and PIU may not be compatible with future versions of Microsoft PIU, and therefore may require a complete upgrade of all bus media in your building to accommodate the increased bandwidth required by future Microsoft PIUs.
IMPORTANT: Each PIU user must purchase a valid LS license from Microsoft in order to legally use the LS to activate the PIU. Microsoft offers a bewildering array of licensing options for both LS and PIU in various combinations. Also, Microsoft PIUs will only operate if powered by Microsoft Electricity(tm). Note that Microsoft PIUs are free, but users must purchase a Microsoft Electricity(tm) license in addition to the LS / PIU license combination. Microsoft Electricity(tm) licenses start at 20c per watt but volume discounts are available. All new homes built after August 24, 1995 come with Microsoft sockets and PIUs pre-installed. You cannot order a pre-built home without the Microsoft socket / PIU combination. However, you can remove all Microsoft PIUs from a newly-purchased home and replace them with third-party PIUs if the third-party PIUs are fully compatible with the Microsoft sockets. The home vendor will not provide any discount or return allowance for any removed sockets or PIUs.
WARNING: Most new Microsoft PIUs are susceptible to various denial-of-service attacks or other security holes. A common denial-of-service attack used by hackers involves a buffer overflow in the LS-API, enabling unauthorized users to redirect Microsoft Electricity(tm) to their own PIUs, rendering yours inoperable. Although Microsoft currently offers no hotfix for this problem, you can implement a workaround by installing a rectifier on the primary entrance bus to your building to allow Microsoft Electricity(tm) to come in to the building but not go out. However, this fix converts the Microsoft Electricity(tm) to Microsoft DC(tm), a feature-reduced version formerly known as "Bob" and intended for occassional PIU users who are usually in the dark because they are unable to operate the LS.
Other security holes in the LS-API enable unauthorized users to spoof Microsoft Electricity(tm) to gain access to your bus media and defrost the ice cream in your freezer by running the freezer's condenser in reverse. You should monitor the Microsoft and SANS web sites for notices and updates to prevent security breaches such as these."
Tip: Gaining in popularity and market share is Linux Electricity, which is fully compatible with all homes and sockets currently manufactured. Linux Electricity is free, and the source code is included for those developers wishing to create their own electricity."
Jim Boyce
www.boyce.us
Ben Ezzell adds:
Whether you are using Linux Electricity or Microsoft Electricity, a properly implemented object-oriented PIU (OOPIU) can provide full compatibility with both existing Microsoft and third-party sockets. The advantage of moving to an OOPIU is simple. With an OOPIU unit, the need for changing a lightbulb -- and for technical expertise and documentation -- is reduced to simply invoking the CHANGE command without further participation by the end user.
Further, once systems have been fully converted to OOPIU, implementing the derived class of object-oriented LS (OOLS) continue to simplify matters by providing self-activating / self-deactivating PIUs.
A word of caution, however: since inside information suggests that Microsoft is moving toward creation of their own OOPIU and OOLS standards which, as you might presume, will be incompatible with 3rd party OOPIU and OOLS installations.
Word from the Justice Department states that an investigation is underway and charges of restraint of trade are probable.
[Washington] Late breaking news: in a countermove, Sun Microsystems has announced the new Linux Electricity OOPIU and OOLS which are offered as open-source and are fully compatible with both Microsoft sockets and most third-party implementations. Early returns from Nasdaq show Sun Microsystems (SUNW) up 7 3/16 in heavy trading.
Ben Ezzell
www.ezzell.org |